Thursday, October 27, 2011
after 3 weeks of sleepless nights, finally my sleep goes normal again. an infected sebaceos cyst at my back was d culprit. my doctor decided to use the needles to take out that big lump as it doesnt react anymore to antibiotics. going to operating room was scary but the relief it gave after the lump subsides is undeniably great.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Good things are coming
I dont know why but i feel very positive in my life now, i feel that good things are coming soon in my life. the person who was putting me down and makes me feel am never good in anything i do is now out of my life. I feel recharged once again and now am back with my whole self and unexpectedly am happier now that i will be on the real me again. Somehow, that relationship tied me into something which i know am not really happy about.
I dont love you when i accepted you ,bad start..i know...and am sorry for that. I have nothing to do, my good friend is leaving soon so i just feel why not, i can try, lets see where it will lead me, your head over heels on me anyway. So i went with the flow trying to make you feel that am loving the relationship while trying to convince also myself that this is the man am waiting for.
Early in the relationship, i already like to get out, i know, i really dont like you..hindi ikaw ang hinahanap kong lalaki, the sophistication am looking for is not there.We have different world and different view on things. But like what many elders say, its better to get someone who has a bigger amount of love to you than someone you love more so i continued convincing myself as you continue showering me with love and nice words and making me feel guilty every time am trying to leave you. But i know you always have doubt on me. But you are wrong with your doubt, there's no other man in my life, the doubt is within me. Am trying to convince my self that I love you.
Things got worse on you, you were put to jail, had to stay longer in other country, you lost your job when u went back ,but i didn't leave you. i dont like to be told that am only good as long as you're in good state. I stayed with you when you were so down, i felt the responsibility of taking care of you and so i did even at the same time i have to take care also myself as i'm stepping up to the ladder of my career. Thats relationship, walang iwanan through thick and thin. I sticked into that kahit nahihirapan na ako pero kinaya ko lahat wag mo lang maramdaman na pinababayaan kita on your worse days. Hindi ako ganun.
Am bad i argue with you but i always feel i need to answer as there are words that i think the other way around, am sorry again with that. My personality is maybe too strong for me to accept all you say. you left, i cried, i was sorry. am already used to you despite of the arguments. i missed you. maybe i already love you.. am still not sure. i would like to think that too much emotion and time were already invested and so is hard to get away from the person you used to be with.and that is me to you..
your love for me is too strong, you came back. am already reaching the top of my career. you are still very unstable career-wise. i helped you,supported you, took care of you, i know you will soon be able to stand up. i was not in a hurry but you were in a hurry.
now, youre there, got new job that will make you stable. you left me.same story packing up things etc. but while you are packing i was there in the parlor having my nails done, having a good time, pampering myself, was unscathed of the situation.
i cried bit by bit, yes but not the same as the first time. my personality became much stronger and probably because i became more confident with myself. and i feel more enriched now that i was able to do what you deprived me on doing when we were still together. i get tired of you controlling me and always accusing me of things i never do and think of.
to end this, id like to quote Jennifer Lopez for the reason of her separation with anthony...
"It's not that I didn't love myself before. Sometimes we don't realize that we are compromising ourselves. To understand that a person is not good for you, or that that person is not treating you in the right way, or that he is not doing the right thing for himself — if I stay, then I am not doing the right thing for me. I love myself enough to walk away from that now."
and so .. i like the makeover physically , mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially.. i love you more now Irza!
I dont love you when i accepted you ,bad start..i know...and am sorry for that. I have nothing to do, my good friend is leaving soon so i just feel why not, i can try, lets see where it will lead me, your head over heels on me anyway. So i went with the flow trying to make you feel that am loving the relationship while trying to convince also myself that this is the man am waiting for.
Early in the relationship, i already like to get out, i know, i really dont like you..hindi ikaw ang hinahanap kong lalaki, the sophistication am looking for is not there.We have different world and different view on things. But like what many elders say, its better to get someone who has a bigger amount of love to you than someone you love more so i continued convincing myself as you continue showering me with love and nice words and making me feel guilty every time am trying to leave you. But i know you always have doubt on me. But you are wrong with your doubt, there's no other man in my life, the doubt is within me. Am trying to convince my self that I love you.
Things got worse on you, you were put to jail, had to stay longer in other country, you lost your job when u went back ,but i didn't leave you. i dont like to be told that am only good as long as you're in good state. I stayed with you when you were so down, i felt the responsibility of taking care of you and so i did even at the same time i have to take care also myself as i'm stepping up to the ladder of my career. Thats relationship, walang iwanan through thick and thin. I sticked into that kahit nahihirapan na ako pero kinaya ko lahat wag mo lang maramdaman na pinababayaan kita on your worse days. Hindi ako ganun.
Am bad i argue with you but i always feel i need to answer as there are words that i think the other way around, am sorry again with that. My personality is maybe too strong for me to accept all you say. you left, i cried, i was sorry. am already used to you despite of the arguments. i missed you. maybe i already love you.. am still not sure. i would like to think that too much emotion and time were already invested and so is hard to get away from the person you used to be with.and that is me to you..
your love for me is too strong, you came back. am already reaching the top of my career. you are still very unstable career-wise. i helped you,supported you, took care of you, i know you will soon be able to stand up. i was not in a hurry but you were in a hurry.
now, youre there, got new job that will make you stable. you left me.same story packing up things etc. but while you are packing i was there in the parlor having my nails done, having a good time, pampering myself, was unscathed of the situation.
i cried bit by bit, yes but not the same as the first time. my personality became much stronger and probably because i became more confident with myself. and i feel more enriched now that i was able to do what you deprived me on doing when we were still together. i get tired of you controlling me and always accusing me of things i never do and think of.
to end this, id like to quote Jennifer Lopez for the reason of her separation with anthony...
"It's not that I didn't love myself before. Sometimes we don't realize that we are compromising ourselves. To understand that a person is not good for you, or that that person is not treating you in the right way, or that he is not doing the right thing for himself — if I stay, then I am not doing the right thing for me. I love myself enough to walk away from that now."
and so .. i like the makeover physically , mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially.. i love you more now Irza!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
AM BACK
yes am back to blogging.. am loveless again so am back to my original love... photo editing and blogging...
after a not-so painful breakup, yes its not, coz maybe i know its coming anyway but just for the sake of what so called breakup, i need to feel that am hurting..and anyway the sad part of it is only that i have to go back again to caring of myself alone.. the good part is am used to it even if i had a partner before so nothing really changed at all
a makeover! time for myself as i feel deprived when i was still with somebody who was financially stressed and i have to take the burden of all the financial matters for us.
Makeover 1:
New clothes - my partner before was a bit conservative and buying clothes based from where am comfortable and which i think fits to my personality was kind of hard to do. now am on my own, i went shopping and bought all i love to wear.
Makeover 2:
Manicure (Nail art) and pedicure - my pedicure is maintained twice a month but i realized i also need to pamper my hands coz anyway i dont need to wash clothes and plates anymore. I love the nail art and ill maintain this from now on
Makeover 3:
Curly hair - while everyone is so engrossed with rebonding, id like to be different, i went to the salon to get permed hair. I love how my hair is done, just a bit of mousse and ready to go.now everyone in the office likes to be curly.. am now a trendsetter ..
Makeover 4:
Braces - i texted an old friend for the number of his dentist sister, he gave me the number by wednesday and saturday i visited the clinic for the checkup and olah, sunday i have my braces. i love it, its gives sophistication and also in just few weeks with braces, it helped me to be on diet. two birds in one hit- it will straighten my teeth and sametime i lose 3 kilos already.. not bad
whats next to do:
makeover 5- a surprise .. still in the planning stage but i already contacted some people for this
others things to do:
i always love travelling and having good vacation.. that to follow soon..
after a not-so painful breakup, yes its not, coz maybe i know its coming anyway but just for the sake of what so called breakup, i need to feel that am hurting..and anyway the sad part of it is only that i have to go back again to caring of myself alone.. the good part is am used to it even if i had a partner before so nothing really changed at all
a makeover! time for myself as i feel deprived when i was still with somebody who was financially stressed and i have to take the burden of all the financial matters for us.
Makeover 1:
New clothes - my partner before was a bit conservative and buying clothes based from where am comfortable and which i think fits to my personality was kind of hard to do. now am on my own, i went shopping and bought all i love to wear.
Makeover 2:
Manicure (Nail art) and pedicure - my pedicure is maintained twice a month but i realized i also need to pamper my hands coz anyway i dont need to wash clothes and plates anymore. I love the nail art and ill maintain this from now on
Makeover 3:
Curly hair - while everyone is so engrossed with rebonding, id like to be different, i went to the salon to get permed hair. I love how my hair is done, just a bit of mousse and ready to go.now everyone in the office likes to be curly.. am now a trendsetter ..
Makeover 4:
Braces - i texted an old friend for the number of his dentist sister, he gave me the number by wednesday and saturday i visited the clinic for the checkup and olah, sunday i have my braces. i love it, its gives sophistication and also in just few weeks with braces, it helped me to be on diet. two birds in one hit- it will straighten my teeth and sametime i lose 3 kilos already.. not bad
whats next to do:
makeover 5- a surprise .. still in the planning stage but i already contacted some people for this
others things to do:
i always love travelling and having good vacation.. that to follow soon..
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